I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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