Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
