Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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