addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
