insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
