Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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