Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
