Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
