Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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