I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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