just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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