he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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