Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
