i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
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