i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
