I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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