I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
