she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
