Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
