Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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