the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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