Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
