...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
