The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
