First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
