you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
