I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Randomize
