why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
