Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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