i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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