I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think I died a long time ago.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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