i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think your dad took our porno
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
