saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
