So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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