My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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