Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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