I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
