He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
we should paint friendship bongs
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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