OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
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