so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
