So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
