he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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