I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
