Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
