i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
