I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
