This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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