She's JV to your varsity
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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