I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
