I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
3 2 1 whiskey
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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