Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
