Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
