i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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